hello! it is i: content jesus here to bless you with content

i’m here to announce the results of the content competition:

LITERALLY NOTHING

not a single person sent me an email so i gotta do everything myself. pity.

anyways here’s some content from the dry well i call a brain

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i love caffeine. it is a magic chemical, sent to us by god himself to make our brains function. there’s actually a really good audiobook about the history of caffeine that you can buy on audible for 12.9- oh here it is for free. whoops! sorry jeff, you aren’t getting any of my pennies today. anyways!

caffeine and coffee. two things that go hand in hand. coffee was actually the main boost of some revolutions. most water was unsafe to drink back then, so liquor was the safest option as it needed you to boil the water. the problem was liquor is a depressant: it slowed down your brain. coffee was the opposite, it was a stimulant. it shot up your productivity, kicked your brain into overdrive. you can imagine that would be if you’re trying to lead the american revolution. yeah. george washington drank a lotta coffee: the man imported 200 pounds into america for him and the higher-ups of the army.

of course, like the consumption of opium, we humans have decided to make more ways to get the magic energy chemical into us as fast as possible. like monster! ah yes, monster energy. 10 mg of caffeine per ounce you drank. i’ve never had it but i know people who have. it boosts you. a can is 2 cups of coffee with a lotta sugar. 57 grams of sugar to a can. will it kill you? probably not. will it move your death up the timetable? almost certainly.

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well that was fun. i actually had no inspiration for this round so i just started typing and bang: 3 paragraphs. hope you had fun. remember i have a newsletter that has a sign up somewhere over the rainbow and a good RSS feed that works. i’ll see you all later i suppose. bye!